Mmmmm...
Nothing beats a cup of guiltless soya ice cream on a sunny Monday afternoon! I will definitely miss this when I leave Singapore.
So people have been asking me what I will do after my master's here. In fact, I just met my perky model schoolmate from China in the elevator and asked me that exact question. Last Saturday, I had a sumptuous dinner with my classmates at Clementi and one of them, whom I do not see often, also asked me that same question. Moreover, around two weeks ago, just the day after my birthday, the School of Economics organized a merienda for us soon-to-be graduates together with our former professors. And just before we started eating together, all of us students stood before our professors (as if it were a formal event) and were asked one by one where we were headed after July. Good that I came out alive from that informal session!
Here's the truth: I DON'T KNOW. YET.
I honestly don't know yet! And please don't feel pressured nor sorry for me 'coz it's my choice not to know yet. It hasn't fully sunk in to me that I will finish my studies here soon. I want to savor every moment of my life as a student here so that there won't be any regrets when I recall what I may say as one of the cherished moments in my life. I did learn a lot at SMU, as a student and as a person in general. I have changed a lot, too. And I believe I have changed for the better.
So I like the thrill of uncertainty, that feeling that you're a delinquent student. (So I guess I still haven't totally changed - I'm still a crammer!) Because that's how I see myself and I think, some professors also think of me in the same way, this time. I am the only one in my batch without a definite itinerary yet. Most of them have job offers already and two are pursuing Ph.D. I kinda like the idea that I'm giving them a slight headache because of my delinquency! Hahaha!
Seriously, though, just give me this moment to slack and play around.
But don't scold me when it will finally sink in to me that I don't have an itinerary yet. I am afraid that when that moment finally hits me, I will be in a terribly panicky mood. So just support me when that time comes, too. Now, I am giving you a headache! Hahaha! I am actually giving myself a headache because I will be the only one who'll read this entry.
I can just imagine how Ting's Tita Benj would react to my behaviour if she were my aunt. I'm sure she would harangue me in the same way that she did to Ting years ago in their trips to Tuscany, Milan, Rome, etc. Don't you know that you're not born a princess? If you have these dreams, you should be working hard for these dreams! Nobody would come running after your mess! You can't afford to wait for somebody to serve you what you want in a silver platter! Wake up! And more, more, more harsh words that reflect that word we know as REALITY!
But I would want that kind of aunt. I need that. I need some push. Ting is still fortunate to have gone through that harsh experience with her. Ting would claim that it's her Tita Benj who is her soul mate.
What? How come soul mate? I got this from reading Eat, Pray, Love:
"A true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that’s holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life. A true soul mate is probably the most important person you’ll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. But to live with a soul mate forever? Nah. Too painful. Soul mates, they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then they leave. And thank God for it."
As for me, I would say that my soul mate is my whole Singapore experience.
Going back to my original topic... You really need not worry 'coz I have actually been doing something for my future. I have been applying for Ph.D. It's the only thing that I know and manage to do. In fact, I just come from the post office this afternoon to send my application package to Italy. I hope the people over there will receive the package before the deadline though and that I will get in.
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Oh, by the way, an incoming Ph.D. student just entered the room. I chatted with him and talked to him about student life at SMU. I happened to tell him that I'm glad I am almost done here! He told me that my comment somehow scared him! We'll I didn't mean to! I was just being honest. Ooops! :P
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