Thursday, December 15, 2011

Reminding myself again that

The flower that blooms in adversity is the most rare and beautiful of all.

Sunday, December 04, 2011

Of death and life and an early Christmas present

Lola Apay passed away at age 101 on November 26 at around 7 in the morning. Though painful, it was the most joyful funeral I have witnessed. We recalled Lola's long life and how finally, she is at peace with the Lord, and is reunited with her love, Lolo Susing, who left her 29 years ago.

It was in the funeral that I realized that, Paz, her real name, means peace in Spanish. To find peace within herself was always my prayer for her when she was already bedridden during the the last four years of her life.

Lola Apay, you will be missed. Thank you for embracing my family with love. 

December 2, 2011. This news came to me. 


Initial reaction? Joy and excitement within. Might be a rough road ahead. But I know I am not alone in this. I remain hopeful that everything will turn out well. Welcome to the world, Umi! 

That's our name for you for now - Megumi (blessing in Nihonggo). We'll call you Umi for short, which happens to mean the sea (in Nihonggo). How apt as Lola Apay loved the sea. She used to celebrate her birthdays when she was younger at Acuna Beach.

May these photos tell you how much you are loved and welcomed in our lives.






Friday, November 25, 2011

Happy birthday!

I was drinking coffee this morning and wondering what is so special with this day. Seems memorable to me.

OMG! Then  I remember IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY!!!! My special-occasions-reliable phone went bust and so I have to rely on my poor memory to remember those special days.

Hehehe! Hope you'll have a memorable day today, spending it with loved ones in Singapore and anywhere. I know the desires of your heart will come true in time. At the right time. Takes painful patience, right? But you're quite good at being patient.  

And take good care of that kind and loving heart of yours. It's meant to be shared with someone who rightfully deserves it. =)

All the best. More blessings from above.

Oh, by the way, you have to take me to this fancy restaurant! Hehehehehe!!!

Your high-maintenance-and-crazy-once-girlfriend,
Jen

Thursday, November 24, 2011

A dream

Dreamed of a fish in a fish bowl. I thought it was just an ordinary dream arising from my plan of buying a fish in a bowl.

To see fish swimming in your dream signifies insights from your unconscious mind. Thus to catch a fish represents insights which have been brought to the surface. Alternatively, a fish swimming in your dream may symbolize conception. Some women dream of swimming fish when they get pregnant. The fish is also an ancient symbol of Christianity and Christian beliefs. Consider the common phrases "like a cold fish", "fish out of water" or something that is "fishy" about a situation. It may also imply a slippery or elusive situation. Perhaps your dream could be telling you that "there are plenty of other fish in the sea", with regards to some relationship issue.


I personally think it doesn't mean anything. It's just that when I told my officemates about it, they started to give me different interpretations. Some may be true; one bothersome.



Wednesday, November 23, 2011

Entertain me!

Found myself really sleepy this afternoon that I started doing silly things like opening my Facebook account every now and then without finding something really interesting on fb.

Then I started to google, "Entertain me." And I found this photo of Spiderman in http://www.i-am-bored.com/bored_link.cfm?link_id=65923:

Spider-man says: Paint me like one of your French girls.
Hahahaha!!!

I was eventually led to a wonderful site, http://www.ehow.com/info_8567378_qualities-admirable-person.html. This site has a lot of interesting stuff. And it seems to be a feel-good site! Tres cool!

And this one: http://www.essentiallifeskills.net/positivehabits.html!

Okay, back to work. :)

Monday, November 21, 2011

Monday surprise

Guess who just got a job offer this morning????

It's little bro!!!! I'm proud of you!!! Way to go kid!

Don't forget to give thanks! =)

Sunday, November 20, 2011

Happy Sunday!

Happy today.

And glad to know that some people have not forgotten my prayer intentions. Thank you, Julie! It's Christ the King Sunday.

And may I get over what the WB economist told me about her good plans for me. And start seriously working on this paper. Deadline on Friday! But thank you, Lord, for such nice people. They remain an inspiration. May she and her husband recover smoothly from their joint lasik surgery.

And, you! Pray before you go through your surgery tomorrow. I'll be praying for your safety and speedy recovery.

Happy me,
Jen

Thursday, November 17, 2011

Oyo Boy Sotto - Kristine Hermosa Wedding Video

I love watching this video over and over again.


It reminds me that something great comes out from waiting, and not from getting things in an instant.
For that, I remain hopeful. And not bothered. I love weddings! Just not yet mine. Not yet. 'Coz I haven't found you yet. Or you haven't found me yet. It's by grace that we will find each other at the right time.

In the meantime, I hope you are having a great time without me in your life yet. I am.

But the best is yet to come. =)

Tuesday, November 08, 2011

Hugging

Imagine a page on hugging. It's here: http://www.gagirl.com/hugs/hug.html.

I remember a 76-year-old remarkable widow telling me something like this while we were on a train in Singapore:

‎"Hugging is good medicine.
It transfers energy and gives the person hugged an emotional lift.
You need 4 hugs a day for survival, 8 for maintenance, and 12 for growth.
Scientists say that hugging is a form of communication because it can say things you don't have the words for.
And the nicest thing about a hug is that you usually can't give one without getting one."

And she said that hugging has become a habit in her household. It's amazing to hear idealism from the old ones.

Oh, but I should be thankful that I get one tight hug everyday at the office! Thanks to Miss Susan, our office mother.

And! An officemate just promised that he'll paint me something I can display in my tiny flat! I suggested it to be an image of a playful kid. Looking forward to that! =) 

Life

Officemates just left. Model doesn't converge after countless trials.

Why is life just more difficult for me??? A colleague from another department jokingly asked if "my balat ba ako sa pwet" after she encountered problems with her simulations while I'm consulting with her.

Tsk tsk...

So to appease myself, I visited Facebook and browsed through "my friends'" wall posts.

Some posts that I actually "liked":
Don't allow your wounds to transform you into someone you are not. (True. But easier said than done; nonetheless, should remain true.)
And this:
True and true. In two aspects of my life right now.

And beat this:


The best way to end a conversation on Facebook is to like someone's last comment.


Hahahaha!!! Guilty.


Which reminds me, I have to meet the guy who posted the last one. He's a Jesuit priest based at the Ateneo who is a relative of the husband of my father's sister. Just imagine the link.


Now, back to work. And I will never get a lovelife for this! But I remain hopeful. At the right time.

Thursday, November 03, 2011

Kanlungan (PANA-PANAHON) by: noel cabangon

Lil bro is nervous for his job interview

Well, he's no longer my little brother. He's gotten much taller than me and sometimes, knows more about life than I do. And he's got an appointment with a multinational firm! Hope he gets a chance in this. I would like him to be in sales or in trading though.

More power. God bless you dear!

Sunday, October 30, 2011

Conquer Friday with a pink wig and red pumps

Borrowed my officemate's wig.
(I would have wanted to wear this during lunch just to annoy my date.)
Really need to lose weight! :((



Thank you =)

Can you beat something with cheerfulness and happy thoughts?

I would like to think so. I was quite scared of what the doctor would find out in my follow-up consultation yesterday. He found nothing! And so we ended up talking about how he got the cheap but beautiful paintings in his clinic.

Thank you, Lord, for listening to me. I remain humbled. I will remain humbled by this experience. Please do not let them come back again.

Thank You for keeping me under your care.

Yours,
Jen

P.S. Please take good care of Christine as she takes her first plane ride abroad today. Keep her safe, may she arrive smoothly in Heidelberg. And may she make the most out of her stay there - let her do well in her research and experience things that she will always look back with fondness.

P.S.S. And happy birthday, bading! All the best in life. Huwag masyado uminom ng alcohol. Pangit ka! You didn't even greet me on my birthday! Seriously, thank you. You have helped me a lot during those difficult times.

Tuesday, October 25, 2011

NY Times quiz

Answered this quiz by the New York Times and got the assessment below. =)
http://nytimes.visualdna.com/quizzes/2b32bbf5-fb42-566d-a053-590cadd5f6e2/api-accounts/5cce676c-4146-5eff-bc51-839a03c2dcdd

You're a Life Lover
People often comment on your refined nature and sense of calm. Your love of all things arty often shines through in your bright, intelligent conversation and your traditionalist nature is often reflected in your tastes and style. When all is said and done, you are a bit of an intellect with a tendency to do a spot of soul searching from time to time.

You're creative and imaginative and like to be inspired. Home is where your heart is and you love nothing more than putting personal touches to your space. You're laid-back and relaxed with a very healthy attitude to life. Naturally down-to-earth, you don't believe in sweating the small stuff. Life's for living, with minimum stress and maximum enjoyment and so fun with family and friends is top of the list as far as you're concerned. Food is a definite passion too and you're always up for tantalizing your taste buds. You're a bit of a dreamer at heart. But there's nothing wrong with that. Set your sights high and you'll create the life you deserve. The Home and Garden section is perfect for you - bring the latest trends into your home.

Sunday, October 23, 2011

No man ever steps in the same river twice, for it's not the same river and he's not the same man. --Heraclitus

Noting this down so I won't forget. And that hopefully, through baby steps, I will learn how to truly love another.

There is no difficulty that enough love will not conquer, no disease that enough love will not heal, no door that enough love will not bridge, no wall that enough love will not throw down, no sin that enough love will not redeem.
It makes no difference how deeply seated may be the trouble, how hopeless the outlook, how muddled the tangle, how great the mistake.
A sufficient realization of love will dissolve it all.
If only you could love enough, you could be the happiest and most powerful being in the world.
              --Emmet Fox

Realizations today and yesterday

Yesterday, I got hit on the face: The world doesn't revolve around me.

And that two people, whose lives used to be strongly intertwined, could live totally different lives. And these experiences have resulted to significant personal transformations that may hinder them from getting back again.

Today, I have realized that there are no limits to what I can do (through Christ). At this age, the world can still be at my feet.

I will keep on living.

Thursday, October 13, 2011

Some surprises at home one late night after work

I was glad to receive a postcard from Father Tom one evening!



On another evening, I was surprised to see my green banana in the closet all so ripe, ready to be eaten!

Monday, September 05, 2011

On solitary habitation

I finally moved in to a flat where I am the only tenant. This is the first time that I get to live with myself. The thought of it initially terrified me when I first considered it months ago, upon the suggestion of one of my bosses. He was surprised that a 28-year-old person like me doesn’t have a place of her own. While there are advantages of staying in one’s own place, there are also disadvantages. One of these disadvantages is definitely the cost of maintaining the unit with no one else to share it with.

However, besides financial concerns, I had never lived alone since young. I have fond memories of sharing my room with people. While growing up, I shared the room with my sister. In high school, I slept with my aunt in her room. In college, I first shared a tiny room with three girls of odd but pleasant personalities before I moved to another apartment where my roommate wouldn’t speak to me at all unless I asked her something, to which her reply, was a terse ‘yes’ or ‘no’. Come third year in college, I had my first taste of “independence” when my college friends and I decided to rent a two-bedroom flat. We chipped in to buy household equipment. Finally, that Hansel and Gretel boarding house became my home since senior year until I left Manila for Singapore. I shared my spacious room with three ladies, one of whom was again my sister, whom I insisted to join our beds together, to her dismay. Little did I know that she was trying to break away from my presence, while I was trying to cling on to our childhood experience of sharing a single bed.
In my first year in Singapore, I tried to scrimp myself by staying in a dormitory with three other youngsters to share the room with. I was bound by a one-year contract so all I could do was to move from one room to another, hoping to find the right mix of girls/ladies in the room. I guessed nothing was perfect but I eventually settled in a room with a pleasant Chinese girl named Wendy and the other two girls, who weren’t memorable to me at all!

As my contract was about to expire, I prayed to find a room in a flat rented by Filipinos. I scoured the advertisements at pinoysg.com, checked interesting posts, found several disappointing ones (Indeed, you can never change one’s upbringing by simply moving to a more comfortable life abroad!). When I was about to give up and resolved to extend my dorm contract for another six months, I found my ideal room in an ideal flat with an ideal roommate and flatmates in an ideal location. I stayed there for a year and six months until I decided to go back to Manila.

My return to Manila was made comfortable through an old friend’s hospitality where I shared the room with a high school friend who never thought we’d get along in the same room. But we did, didn’t we? Or did you just put up with me?

That place was my last foray to roommate world before I decided to venture into an unchartered path of solitary habitation. Here’s someone who’s never lived alone in a room, who is terrified to find herself an unhealthy companion to herself. Then I remember a quote I found on a poster in one of my former roommate’s room, “Do you love the company that you keep when you are alone?”

So what has it been like so far?

I moved in on Saturday through my younger brother’s help. But on Friday evening, I dropped by the flat to deliver my groceries and check if my bed, table, and chairs had been delivered. When I entered my tiny flat, I was surprised to realize that this tiny place can be liveable after all, now that it is adorned with a bed, table, and chairs! I sat there relishing the experience. And for the first time, I looked forward to staying in my own place. I wanted to see how I can transform the place with my presence and how I’d behave in private. Would I bring boys now that I have the liberty to do so? Lol!

On Saturday evening, when my brother already left me and I was all alone in the flat, I thought I’d feel lonely and started texting my friends. To my surprise, I found myself pleased with the solitude. I basked in cleaning my place, putting up curtains, and assembling the little furniture that I have. Could it be that there is just a part of me that has been longing to be alone and only now has it been given the chance to be realized? Then I started to be grateful for the opportunities that I currently have. For instance, without a good job that I enjoy, I would never be able to afford living alone. He has taken me to unchartered paths since graduating in July last year. Maybe, it is indeed true that life can never be better unless you allow Him to take you to the direction He has planned for you. I am not saying that I am at the best time of my life right now. But I must say, I am at peace with where I am now, no longer bothered. Maybe I am ought to learn something about myself in this new experience.

I am definitely thankful for the large windows. I often told my most recent roommate that I wish for an affordable flat with large windows that I can look through as I drink my coffee and study or write, with relaxing music in the background. And of course, a flat near my workplace, i.e., in the middle of the city, but where the sound of the rooster (in lieu of the chirping of the birds) would welcome me in the morning.

For now, thank You!

Here are before and after photos of the flat.

The tiny flat before I moved in
Enjoying my first meal on Sunday
Drinking coffee by the window while writing
The view from my bedside window at night

Sunday, August 28, 2011

On growing up

Tonight, I felt what I think most grownups feel.

I became scared of the thought of suddenly losing my job - the only source of my income.

My liabilities are growing. I shelled out serious money as deposit for my flat. I have released postdated cheques to the company that owns my flat. And just today, I spent almost the same amount as my deposit to buy a bed, an electric stove, an iron and ironing board, tables and chairs, kitchen utensils, electric fan, rice cooker, and what else. The list is growing. And I am weakening with the thought that my savings account is being depleted.

What if I suddenly lose my job? What will happen to me? It's really scary.

This is the first time that I have committed myself to something that involves serious money. So is this what growing up is all about?

Wednesday, August 03, 2011

Monday, August 01, 2011

Chill Monday

Today, I discovered another feeling that have been dormant in me for quite some time now.

It is true that once you start letting go of your competitiveness, things just get lighter. And it's easier to smile huh!

But I still have to learn how to deal with bossy people. Haha!

Sunday, July 31, 2011

Thank you =)

Lord, thank you, for this weekend.

For once, I did not find myself wandering around Manila on a weekend. Certainly, chill music helped. And hot chocolate on a rainy day. =)

Thank you, Father.

Tuesday, July 26, 2011

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus" -Philippians 4:6-7

Saturday, July 09, 2011

A home

Thing with living in the city is that boredom can be maddening . If I were in the province, I would have just accepted this boredom as another ordinary day, watching raindrops touch the corn field opposite my house and amused with kids playing paper boats in the canal beside the road.

I long for a homey, cozy place to stay here in Manila that is near my workplace; a place where I can just watch the raindrops from my veranda, as I drink coffee and take on my readings.

How can it ever happen?

Saturday, July 02, 2011

It is in obedience to God’s will that we will discover the fullness of life and be satisfied in all things.

I have to write this to remind myself every now and then.

And to get reminded that happiness is not in the end goal itself but in the process of achieving that goal. And to listening to His will for me. And you.
Last night, I met a friend. And after years of laboring to finally get into the industry where she is now and having achieved the things that she heavily dreamed about five years ago, with a toughened and cold character, she says, "I'm not happy with where I am now." Surprising.

I do wish her all the best and will definitely include her in prayer. I wish all my friends find joy in life, wherever they are and whatever they do and no matter how much they earn.

Friday, June 24, 2011

On growing up

In the middle of the week last week, while I was nursing a cold and couldn't sleep because of my sore throat, I came to ask myself which activities simply bring joy to me after a long day at work.

But I couldn't even answer my own question. I checked if my roommate had the same problem. But she immediately pointed out that, to her, watching television gives her a sense of satisfaction before ending a long day.

I have noticed that I have nothing to look forward to after work. To me, it's just routine to go home and sleep. And this is coming from someone who has just gained full-time employment for a little more than six months! I wonder how a wife and a mother would feel during the day. Would she be motivated to finish her tasks at the office efficiently so that she can have a chat with her husband and mentor her kid at home? I wonder.
Then I started to recall what my life was like when I was fresh out of college. If I am kinda dreamy and sentimental now, I was more so six to seven years ago. I lived on Erich Segal's and would be easily affected by the novels that I read, thinking that these books would change or direct my life to a particular path. And I would imagine living the life of one of the characters, usually the lead one, in the stories that I read.

I was pretty idealistic then. Whatever happened to that lady who told herself never to let money overpower her dreams? I have become more materialistic - at some point, I finally understood how shopping can give one some relief; I have become more pragmatic - thinking that I should get a job in an investment bank and be highly compensated for the work that I do. Not that it's wrong though, but more than the compensation, it must still be one's heart, one's passion, that should direct one's life, with hopes that one will be compensated well. Usually, money will follow if you love the work that you do. I would like to believe so. 

I once told myself when I was younger, that my personal legacy would be to become someone who simply pursues what she desires, regardless of what most people choose to say or believe - that one should achieve financial stability, get a stable career, etc. To my thinking then, we're all bound to some stability - personal or material - towards the latter part of our lives so why hurry. Let's enjoy life while we can, even to the point of being reckless at times (while we still can afford it).

So there I was, one night, chatting with my roommate while at the back of my mind, reconsidering my purpose of going back to Manila and leaving a financially better-off life in Singapore when I can't even go back to the lifestyle of my youth (six to seven years back in Manila).

So I started with an activity that would excite me to go home after work. And I thought one of the things that give me joy is reading a book that would keep me engrossed. Every now and then, I find books that I can easily relate with, depending on my emotional state. Last year in June, it was Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert.

This time, it would be One Day by David Nicholls. I just got lucky to have spotted the book's cover before I left Fully Booked last Saturday. My weekend was fulfilling - I got to finish watching Love in the Time of Cholera and got to start reading One Day.

Maybe, I am getting older (and maturing?). I once fancied crazy night outs and nerve-wracking moments. I used to think life without major ups and lows is simply boring. Nowadays, it seems that I am slowly yearning for calmness and serenity in life. I once told someone, when a friend brought up the topic of faith, that to me, true faith actually happens after all the emotional high or euphoria of praising the Father has died down and you're still left with your calm self, praising the Lord, this time becoming more aware of your current state of being. In short, I am saying that you cannot just make the excuse that you were simply carried away by your strong emotions. 

I'm finally done reading the book. And I'm sharing excerpts of the novel that struck me - those personal thoughts that I think were better articulated by the author.  

Excerpt from One Day by David Nicholls:

And they did have fun, though it was a different kind now. All that yearning and anguish and passion had been replaced by a steady pulse of pleasure and satisfaction and occasional irritation, and this seemed to be a happy exchange; if there had been moments in her life when she had been more elated, there had never been a time when things had been more constant.

Sometimes, she thought, she missed the intensity, not just of their romance, but of the early days of their friendship. She remembered writing ten-page letters late into the night; insane, passionate things full of dopey sentiment and barely hidden meanings, exclamation marks and underlining. For a while she had written daily postcards too, on top of the hour-long phone calls just before bed. That time in the flat in Dalston when they had stayed up talking and listening to records, only stopping when the sun began to rise, or at his parents' house swimming in the river on New Year's Day, or that afternoon drinking absinthe in the secret bar in Chinatown; all of these moments and more were recorded and stored in notebooks and letters and wads of photographs, endless photographs. There was a time, it must have been in the early nineties, when they were barely able to pass a photo-booth without cramming inside it, because they had yet to take each other's permanent presence for granted.

But to just look at someone, to just sit and look and talk and then realise that it’s morning? Who had the time or inclination or energy these days to stay up talking all night? What would you talk about? Property prices? She used to long for those midnight phone calls; these days if a phone rang late at night it was because there had been an accident, and did they really need more photographs when they knew each other’s faces so well, when they had shoeboxes full of that stuff, an archive of nearly twenty years? Who writes long letters in this day and age, and what is there to care so much about?

She sometimes wondered what her twenty-two-year-old self would think of today's Emma Mayhew. Would she consider her self-centered? Compromised? A bourgeois sell-out, with her appetite for home ownership and foreign travel, clothes from Paris and expensive haircuts? Would she find her conventional, with her new surname and hopes for a family life? Maybe, but then the twenty-two-year-old Emma Morley wasn't such a paragon either: pretentious, petulant, lazy, speechifying, judgmental. Self-pitying, self-righteous, self-important, all of the selfs except self-confident, the quality that she always needed most.

No, this, she felt, was real life, and if she wasn’t as curious or passionate as she once had been, that was only to be expected. It would be inappropriate, undignified, at thirty-eight, to conduct friendship or love affairs with the ardour and intensity of a twenty-two-year-old. Falling in love like that? Writing poetry, crying at pop songs? Dragging people into photo booths, taking a whole day to make a compilation tape, asking people if they wanted to share your bed, just for company? If you quoted Bob Dylan or T.S. Eliot or, God forbid, Brecht at someone these days they would smile politely and step quietly backwards, and who would blame them? Ridiculous, at thirty-eight, to expect a song or book or film to change your life. No, everything had evened out and settled down and life was lived against a general background hum of comfort , satisfaction and familiarity. There would be no more of those nerve-jangling highs and lows. The friends they had now would be the friends they had in five , ten, twenty years' time. They expected to get neither dramatically richer nor poorer; they expected to stay healthy for a little while yet. Caught in the middle; middle class, middle-aged; happy in that they were not over happy.

Finally, she loved someone and felt fairly confident that she was loved in return.


There must be more to be learned about life. And I would like to be one good student.

Thursday, June 23, 2011

remind me again to have a good meal before hitting the gym

again, I almost fainted after my gym session tonight. and my stomach seemed to be a bottomless pit, never satisfied with any food that I fed into it.

but i'm better now.

just remind me again to have a good meal 1-1.5 hours before doing some exercise.

Monday, June 13, 2011

Dog day Monday

No work for me today. I thought I'd spend this day doing some errands like opening checking and credit card accounts, having my old laptop fixed and be able to retrieve my files, running in the gym, and visiting Ateneo.

Well, none of them happened. I literally slept off the day.

It seemed that my body demanded a whole lot of rest. My lower back was aching and a sore throat was slowly materializing.

Yesterday noon, I got back from a 15-hour road trip from Ortigas to Tagaytay to Nasugbu and back. No sleep at all. My company and I let the night end as we played pusoy dos at Mcdonald's in Tagaytay. Then we tried to chase the sunrise at Munting Buhangin in Nasugbu. We weren't able to catch the sunrise by the beach though but we were greeted by spectacular views of Batangas coves.

When I arrived back in Cubao, I immediately caught up on sleep for another birthday dinner. This time, my boss was going to treat me to a Filipino restaurant at the Fort. I thought he was going to take me to Kabisera.

I was mistaken. We had a fine dining experience at Chef Laudico Bistro.

http://www.cheflaudico.com.ph/bistro/index.html

We had the a la carte all you promo for Php788+.

http://www.facebook.com/notes/bistro-filipino-by-chef-laudico/a-la-carte-all-you-can/10150171501423080

I especially liked the pica-picas. They were familiar Filipino dishes but served in a different way and tasted with a twist. Really awesome. The most memorable appetizer for me was the Angus Tapa Wrap. The feeling of it in my tongue was just refreshing.

After we explored most of the pica-picas on the list, we headed to the soups. I tried Pork Sinigang Puree while Bernard had his favorite - Mongo Shrimp Bisque. Both soups are quite rich - the broths are thicker than the usual way of preparing the two. I thought that the chefs have a penchant for thick, rich sauces - even their Pinakurat sauce for the Crispy Pata was thicker than usual.

We also tried the salads - Three kinds of Mango and Sampalok Salmon salads. Both are really good. Bernard though loves the mango salad more.

I would think my highlight for the meal was being able to try, finally, Wagyu beef in Wagyu Estofado. Now, I know why people are crazy over Wagyu. The meat was just so tender, juicy, and kinda sweet. I thought that despite the rich tomato sauce, the taste of the beef just stood out.

We sealed the meal with desserts. I insisted we try Sans Rival Moderne, Banana Q Tart, Maja Blanca Cheesecake, and Molten Chocolate Cake. What stood out were the Sans Rival Moderne and Molten Chocolate Cake.

It was a lovely fine dining experience. Although it was an eat-all-you-can arrangement, I was glad that I didn't have to rush on the food. Eating became a laid-back experience and we were actually there to appreciate what the chefs had to offer. Very nice.

I refuse to make this an everyday experience though. These types of experiences are like an icing on a cake. Once in a while, we celebrate - we go to a posh restaurant. And then on other, ordinary days, we prepare our own food or eat in the cafeteria. To me, living it this way, is closer to what real living is supposed to be. But I won't refuse being invited to posh restaurants every now and then. =)

Next goal, how to prepare a good Spanish tortilla.

Saturday, June 11, 2011

To pursue a PhD or not?

I thought this decision would be easier now that I have tried both worlds.

Thing is, it is not. It has even become more difficult. Because now, I see the ups and downs of both sides of the world.

I feel the urge to make a decision now as GRE fee is half-priced if you take it between August and September. Moreover, there's a research paper that has long been sitting on my desk, waiting to be revised and submitted for publication.

And yet, I have been enjoying my liberty away from school! I like the thought that I can socialize as much as I want to in the private sector more than I would like in the academe. And the environment is just more dynamic outside school. And it is not true, contrary to what I used to believe, that the corporate world is filled with nonsensical, shallow people. Maybe there are, but not all of them. And if you're lucky, you'd find those whose souls are deeply anchored on the ground.

And if I work, I get to do many things on the side as well aside from yoga and gym. I can learn a new language and hone my public speaking skills, among many others, and hopefully, give more time for my future family.

Where to go?

Thursday, June 09, 2011

How not to marry the wrong guy (Cosmo magazine article)

You've met a great man — wahoo! — and it's serious enough to imagine getting hitched. But is it possible to know if it'll last forever and (almost) always make you happy? Experts reveal six key factors you should consider.
By Celeste Perron
Lately, it seems like you can't open your Web browser without seeing some headline about a famous married couple calling it quits. And while it's no surprise when Charlie Sheen's latest union implodes, you'd think that super-together stars like Sandra Bullock and Kate Winslet would be able to pick winners. How is it that a woman can pledge eternal love in front of all her family and friends and then discover that she's mistaken about the man?
In a recent Cosmo survey, nearly two-thirds of you reported being worried about making a bad choice and winding up divorced. But experts say you can protect yourself from that fate if you evaluate your relationship pre-engagement according to a few important elements. "There absolutely are ways to judge if a man is marriage-worthy and reduce the chances you'll pick the wrong partner," says marriage and family therapist Terri Orbuch, PhD, a sociology professor at the University of Michigan. "Considering these points will help you understand whether you and he have similar underlying values and whether you'd be getting married for the right reasons." Here are six things you should do to help determine whether your boyfriend is the love of your life or possibly your future ex-husband.
Don't Just Dismiss His Past
Is there a chapter of your boyfriend's history that bothers you because it so doesn't sound like the guy you know? Then you need to decide if your relationship could survive a repeat, because odds are good that old habits will return.
"The best predictor of his future behavior is his past behavior," says Orbuch. If his relationship history is a sordid tale of flings and bitter exes, it's tempting to think that you're the one woman fabulous enough to reform him.
"But when a man acts poorly in multiple unions, it's usually for deep-seated reasons that are going to persist," says Elizabeth Lombardo, PhD, a psychologist in Wexford, Pennsylvania. "He might be able to treat you well during the 'passionate love' stage, which usually lasts about 18 months, but after that, he'll likely start slipping into his old ways."
That said, people can change — many of today's family guys wearing Baby Bjorns at the farmers market were serious players at 22. But here's where it gets tricky: You need to figure out if the sleazeball chapter of his past was specific to that stage of his life or if the traits he exhibited then are hardwired into his personality and just buried for now. "To find out, ask him what behaviors he considers to be a violation of trust, and tell him what your expectations are," says Orbuch.
If he's done things in the past that don't meet your standards for marriage, grab the bull by the horns and bring it up. Ask him to explain why he did what he did. If the reasons he gives are related to specific situations that no longer apply (say, he used to party too much because he lived with a bunch of his frat brothers after college), that's a strong sign that it was just a temporary thing. But if the triggers for his past bad actions could easily be present again once you're married — he used to party too much because he was stressed — it might mean that those habits are part of who he will always be.
Own Up to What You Need
So you love that your guy is a foodie or a stylish dresser. That's all great, as long as you're not so dazzled by those qualities that you overlook the fact that he's lacking more important ones.
"I tell my clients to draw a big circle with a smaller one inside it and then fill the inner circle with four or five qualities they absolutely need a husband to have, like sharing their views of religion, family, or money," says Lombardo. "Then they fill the larger circle with nice-to-haves. You should look for a partner who has all the inner-circle qualities and a few of the outer ones, not the other way around."
As you look over his qualities, consider whether they have downsides and if you can handle them. For instance, you might love that he has a hot career as a consultant, but if his job requires lots of travel, will his success compensate for his absence from your life? If you have a huge group of friends, it might not be an issue, but if you're a homebody who prefers to end each day snuggled on the couch with your honey, you won't be happy with a marriage in which he is always traveling.
Take Off Your Future-Goggles and See Him as Is
Say he's an MBA student with big plans to become a CEO. Will you feel just as lucky to have him if student-loan bills are the only concrete result of that degree? "Remember that you're marrying the guy he is now, not the man he might be one day," says couples therapist Jennifer Gauvain, coauthor of How Not to Marry the Wrong Guy. "It's great to be attracted to his passion, because that will stay consistent, but don't get attached to a certain potential career or financial outcome."
You need to be okay with the possibility that the rest of the world won't be as convinced of his talents as you are. "This is key because frustration with the difference between what you expected and the reality you got is one of the leading sources of marriage unhappiness over time," says Orbuch.
And if money worries are driving your quest for a ring, slam on the breaks. According to Gauvain, the desire for financial security is one of the main reasons women get hitched to the wrong guy. "Many women have told me that they were attracted to marriage because they felt like they were floundering and thought a joint income would help," she says. Adds Lombardo, "But there are plenty of wealthy couples who aren't happy."
Beware His Family Dynamics
Depending on how close he is to his family, it's not just him you're marrying. And while you might be able to ignore them now, his family will play a big role in your life once you're hitched. Remember that these people will be not be just at your wedding but also at roughly half your future holidays, at the hospital when your children are born, and quite possibly on your sofa for extended visits.
"You don't need to love each other's families, but you need to be on the same page about how much you'll include them in your lives," says Gauvain. "Take a hard look at his family traditions and how often he and his family see each other and communicate." If your family gathers for dinner every Sunday night but his has only a spotty record of celebrating Thanksgiving, your very different ideas of what family means will probably cause some problems.
This doesn't mean you have to rule him out, but you do need to talk about it and find a compromise. "Lay out expectations ahead of time so you understand what you're getting into," says Orbuch. If he has his family on a pedestal when the only raised platform they belong on is Dr. Phil's stage, that could be a problem. "It's okay if you don't see eye-to-eye with them all the time, but he can't put his family first or always side with them in disagreements," says Gauvain. "You should put each other first."
If There's No Spark, Forget It
With all this talk of shared values, don't forget this primal truth: There needs to be a sizzle. "In such uncertain economic times, it's easy for women to tell themselves that stability is more important than attraction, but you need chemistry for a relationship to work," says Gauvain.
Of course, if you've been together for years, you're not necessarily pinning each other down the minute you get in the door. But the urge to rip off each other's clothes should still strike on occasion. "Being successfully married means being more than best friends," says Lombardo. "Great sex won't make problems go away, but it can really cushion your relationship during the inevitable tough times."
Tear Up Your Bridal Time Line
"If you nudge her, a woman will often admit that there's a magic age she thinks she should be married by," says Gauvain. Whether your number is based on beating your biological clock or more random factors, like how old your sister was when she got hitched, it can hold power over you and put you at a high risk of marrying the wrong guy as that birthday draws close.
"When women feel they're falling behind on their bridal time line, they are more likely to settle for Mr. Almost Right," says Gauvain. "They're scared of having wasted precious time, so they stick with guys they normally wouldn't." To make sure that such fears aren't driving your decision, ask yourself if you would still be with him if you were younger. If your answer isn't a strong "Hell, yes!" then recognize your urge to put a ring on it for what it is: fear of falling behind on your time line and being alone.
If a desire to have kids is freaking you out, know that the traditional marriage sequence has gone the way of the VCR. Now, few people bat an eye if you get knocked up by a BF or have a baby solo. "Women should trust that kids will happen for them one way or another, and marrying the wrong guy isn't the best way to get there," says Gauvain.
Are Your "Cold Feet" Normal or Not?
How do you tell if your jitters are just a fleeting thing or your intuition trying to tell you you're making a mistake? Pay attention to when your anxiety strikes — is it during wedding talk or when you're talking about him? "When you're about to be married, talking about your fiancé should fill you with calm and happiness," says Lombardo. "It's natural to be nervous about the wedding but not about the groom."
And another thing: "You should not be asking yourself or your friends 'How do I know if he's The One?' because it's kind of like an orgasm: If you're not sure that you had one, you didn't," she adds. "If after giving it thought you're still not sure your guy is The One, he probably isn't."
A Cool Sign
A recent study found that couples who laugh and smile when they retell how they met are statistically way less likely to end up divorced.
SOURCE: University of Washington Study

Tuesday, June 07, 2011

Last purchase in Singapore

My last purchase in Singapore, before I left for Manila, was an off white open-toed pumps by Gripz. It was not a cheap buy (but less than S$100). I had to think twice before buying the pair. I tried the shoes on when I was with Anran at the Raffles MRT station Gripz shop - found them really comfortable despite the towering heels - though didn't buy until two days later.

I like my nail polish today - it has a very nice color contrast against the subdued color of my pumps. And that is why I am featuring my pumps here. 

The pair

It has a red sole!

Don't mind the blisters - they are Pinatubo blisters after all :)

Monday, June 06, 2011

When the universe plays tricks on you

Had a funny experience tonight.

I decided to take the Cubao Ilalim bus on my way home - a mode of transpo I discovered by chance last Friday when no cab was available and when I impulsively took the Cubao Ilalim bus to Farmers (Cubao Ilalim doesn't take you to Farmers 'coz it will pass through the underpass - something I would learn from my bus seatmate). Wrong guess proved to be a blessing in disguise though - this is what I love about adventures and sheer risk-taking!

So there I was, comfortably seated in the bus, relishing my bus ride experience.

Then the bus stopped, temporarily (or so I thought). I thought it was just one of its usual passenger stops. While waiting for the bus to start moving again, I was again comfortably leaning against my back thinking "I love riding buses. It reminds me of long road trips."

Then I wondered why the bus was taking so long to move again. There were policemen beside the road. I approached the front seats of the bus and sat beside a man, asked him what's going on. He didn't have any idea.

I got down, asked one policeman.

Your guess?

My bus driver, and 3 more others, got ticketed for reckless driving!

It seemed like the whole bureaucratic process was taking too long and it was already 11 in the evening. And so, I decided to take the cab to my place.

Hahaha! This is life in Manila. Despite these setbacks, I still feel that there is soul in this Metro than in the ultra-perfect city-state where I recently came from. And so, for now, I'll just enjoy the experience. :)

Wednesday, June 01, 2011

Happy first birthday, blog!

Exactly a year ago, I started this blog. How fast time flies.

A year ago, I was cooped up in my SMU workstation revising my thesis and pining over a broken heart in my black Janylin pumps that I resolved to wear for the first time in Singapore (since the pair is a Manila native).


I wanted to talk but didn't really want to. Hence, this virtual corner was born.

Have things changed?

Have I achieved my goals since I started this blog?

Have I attained a certain level of maturity from a year ago?

Anyway, a pleasant birthday to my solitary blog - a wailing wall, a quiet respite, in the midst of the hustle and bustle of internet traffic.

Feeling nostalgic

I miss my jogging path in Singapore - from Bukit Purmei to Henderson Waves and when I'm feeling more energetic, go past the Forest Walk, Alexandra Arch to Hort Park then Canopy Walk and finally end at Bukit Chandu.

http://www.nparks.gov.sg/cms/index.php?Itemid=73&id=62&option=com_visitorsguide&task=attractions

Bukit Purmei Road

Henderson Waves

Henderson Waves bridge

Forest trail

Alexandra Arch

Hort Park

Hort Park jogging path

Canopy walk

Finale: Reflections at Bukit Chandu

The pictures are not mine. I just reposted them from the net. But the spots are that nice especially on a Sunday afternoon after a mid-afternoon rain. The feeling is nostalgic.

I have one more bonus. I discovered this garden, which I call my secret garden, when I first explored the Bukit Purmei-Henderson Waves-Hort Park route. It's formally called the Hilltop Walk. When I first went to this place, it was deserted. It was just me and another woman basking in solitude.

Hilltop Walk

Hilltop Walk: View from the top
   
Here's missing the red dot,
Diana

Sunday, May 29, 2011

Almost there

It's positive thinking. I'm almost there. I am almost there. In no time, I will be there. I am there.

Wednesday, May 25, 2011

Toastmasters

Some peopleno matter how old they get, never lose their beauty – they merely move it from their faces into their hearts. - Martin Buxbaum


Got this line from the ADB Toastmasters program this lunch time. I hope I get to be one among those some people who sincerely mature and grow deeper in their spiritual lives as they age. I hope I get to develop an eye for life's essentials, without getting distracted by people or things that are not aligned to my personal development.


I finally got myself to do an impromptu speech at today's Toastmaster's session! I did not volunteer. The Table Topics Master picked me to answer his question. It was a good thing that I was taken aback as I did not have time to panic. I answered using the Point-Reason-Example-Message framework and the evaluator thought I was confident in my speaking. I personally think though that I did not give a clear exposition of the topic. I just wish that I have a wider English vocabulary and a flair in using the language.


I also had another chance to be a Language Evaluator today where I used the word of the day: Milquetoast. I resolve not to be a milquetoast and stand firmly by my actions.


I realized that I should be grateful for being a part of this institution. No amount of money can match that lifestyle that I enjoy here. I get to do yoga at most three times a day (although I have only done 2x a day at most), five times a week. I have finally made myself part of Toastmasters (though not yet official as I haven't paid yet) - a personal goal since I was in Singapore. I hope to engage myself in one more activity soon. Thank you, Lord.

Monday, May 16, 2011

A little too much (Natasha Bedingfield)


Sometimes it hits like a car crash
And it's to late to reverse
Sometimes you make me a better person
Sometimes you bring out the worst 

Sometimes we get on like fire
Sometimes we're stubborn like rain
Just when I think it's over, over
You wave a white flag again

Aaa, aaa
We fall out and we fall back in
Aaa, aaa
We're always back where we begin

Everybody hurts just a little too much
Everybody hurts but it's never enough
It's wonderful to fall
Let's love and risk it all
I'd rather love just a little too much

Sometimes we're trapped in the circle
'Til we're digging holes in the ground
We're trying, but nothing is working
But still I want you around
'Cause if I'm lost in the desert
I know somehow you'll find me
And if I drown in the oceans,

You'll be the first to rescue me...

Everybody hurts just a little too much
Everybody hurts but it's never enough
It's wonderful to fall
Let's love and risk it all 

I'd rather love just a little too much
Woooooooah, woooooooah, woooooooah, woooooooah....

Everybody hurts just a little too much
Everybody hurts but it's never enough 

Aaa, aaa
We fall out and we fall back in
Aaa, aaa
We're always back where we begin

Everybody hurts just a little too much
Everybody hurts but it's never enough
It's wonderful to fall
Let's love and risk it all 

Even if it hurts just a little too much

I'd rather love just a little too much


Sunday, May 15, 2011

It's good to be back

Had my first run since the operation at the Ateneo campus at Loyola Heights this sunny afternoon. What a great feeling to be able to do some of the things that I used to do 3-4 years back. As I was running, I can't help but sport a furtive smile on my face as I passed by familiar places in the campus. I suddenly missed my old days at the Ateneo - those times when I complained but, actually, basked at hell weeks, when I dreamed of meeting my boyfriend in college (that never happened), when I rushed to submit a paper before a deadline, those benches that were witnesses to conversations with remarkable people I met in school, the church choir whose songs just made me drop a tear at times, the sun's rays resting on the green Ateneo grounds, the fire trees that looked fantastic against the blue sky...

Thank you, Lord, for bringing me back to Ateneo this Sunday afternoon. This was actually the first time that I missed  and felt for my alma mater since I came back to Manila. When I first visited the campus, I thought I had an estranged feeling that I no longer connected with the place and that I needed to move on, look for a different job. I guess I am right with that but I shouldn't lose the connection. After all, some of my formative years happened there.

And did I tell you that it feels good to be running again? Whoa! I feel great!

Monday, May 09, 2011

Funny dream (well, at least to me)

Woke up in the middle of my sleep because of the howling winds outside and I wondered how come the rain has not subsided yet. It must be flooding outside or elsewhere. Hopefully not though.

Then I recalled my dream.

I was in a mass and I was supposed to be the only lector. After the procession, just when I was seated at the side of the altar already, I noticed that the book where I'm supposed to read the readings from is missing. Come my turn to read, I told the priest I don't have the book with me and I have to look for it. I approached Tchr. Nene (my hs prefect of discipline who was there) who scolded me, and eventually gave me the book to read. When I started reading before the churchgoers, I realized that my reading didn't make sense as the book was a poor translation of some other language, and it made use of both English and Filipino. So I told the people to excuse myself as I am going to look for a better reading material.

My dream ended as I was endlessly looking for the Bible readings in the internet and the priest becoming impatient with me.

I think I know what that dream meant..

Saturday, May 07, 2011

Knock knock

Ditched a high school dinner tonight, opted to watch some Thai Korean-like movie, and pined over my sad life.

I just don't feel like spreading my existence today. I'm sorry.

Tuesday, May 03, 2011

Good night. May your slumber be filled with colors of serenity and quietude.

Meet Hundertwasser

I learned about the Austrian designer Friedensreich Hundertwasser (his name actually means something - Peace-Kingdom Hundred-Water!) today through Bernard, my Malaysian boss, who just came back from a trip to Bavaria. He shared his photos and I specifically liked the facade of Museum Hundertwasser:
A beauty, right? The trees sprouting from the windows of the building are even called tree tenants! Hundertwasser also designed, among many others, the establishments in Bad Blumau, Austria. Here's a panorama of the place:
Bernard was not able to visit this place and now feels bad after I pointed it out to him! It is such a beauty! I have to go to Vienna and visit Bad Blumau.

Browsing through Hundertwasser's paintings reminds me of the late Pacita Abad's collection.

(Note: Photos posted here are not mine.)






A date to remember

I dated Gerald Anderson. Here's the proof!

Gerald Anderson and me at Chili's, Power Plant Mall

Well, I was just and am still dreaming. And still can't get over the euphoria that I actually SAW Gerald in person. Sui-lay, the intern who went shopping with me at Power Plant Mall, and I were seated a table away from Gerald's company. I didn't realize that a celebrity was nearby until a group of people came rushing to Gerald's table for a pic. I initially thought it was Piolo until I asked a mother who's the guy the girls have gone gaga with! When she replied it was Gerald, sounding 'you-don't-know!', Sui-lay and I immediately rushed to the next table. Take note, Sui-lay had no idea who that guy was 'coz she's not a Filipino and has been in Manila only for two months!

Good thing Sui-lay had a respectable mobile phone camera; I had this photo with Gerald. Oh my! He's just a darling! And I had the best view from my seat! And I must say I caught a few instances of him taking glances at me! Haha!

♫ If you change your mind, I'm the first in line. Honey, I'm still free; take a chance on me.