Tuesday, August 10, 2010

On leaving Singapore

Zoe, my Chinese schoolmate, is right. I am just lonely these days that's why I get so attached to people.

Honestly, I fear that if I stay long enough to look for a job here in Singapore, I might not be able to find one. I long for someone to encourage me in this lonely pursuit of a job.

It's going to be my first time to go home to my parents without a definite destination. Usually, I go home with a pasalubong that I have something to look forward to, an achievement. Now, I go home with a past. I graduated. Then what? I do not know.

I so much want to cry in front of them. Let them know that, yes, I am fragile and weak. I am entitled to be one, right?

I could use a boyfriend now, you know. But I know it's a wrong move to get into a relationship now.

It's true that I'm leaving Singapore because I am chickening out. I am lonely. I am giving up.

Oh, Lord, help me.

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