Slowly changing, I'm afraid not for the better

I sense that I am slowly changing. I have become less patient. And recently, I have this strong urge to be a dictator. I want things done my way. If they don't, I easily get mad. I may not always express my anger but I really am mad deep inside.

I honestly do not want to see myself this way. But I just feel too much burden on my shoulders. I feel pressured to entertain my mom while she's here. She's done us a good favor to come here and take care of Umi. But I hope she can stand on her own here and manage to become comfortable in this new place. That way, I do not have to be with her every step of the way. And she can perhaps spend some weekends on her own as I spend mine with Umi.

And the resentment is growing that R did not join us immediately here. He could have joined us or at least become more aggressive in finding a job the moment we agreed to relocate here. Why did he allow such time to pass for us to be separated? I feel like I have changed, quite far from the person I was in Manila. And he might not be able to know me anymore. He would not understand me anymore. And I am afraid that more misunderstandings are bound to come when he finally joins us here.

I certainly don't want to see myself less loving, less patient, more irritable, more practical, more wordly, more rigid and stiff. But I am afraid I am slowly becoming so. I hope things will get better at home. And I will be blessed with a fresher, better mindset.