An emotional wreck

Since Monday, I have become an emotional wreck. It's already Friday and it just sank in to me that I actually have allowed myself to wallow in pain by constantly checking his Facebook account and annoucing my feelings in my wall posts. Oh, dear, how pathetic I have become!

Why am I doing this? It seems to me that I have been subconsciously seeking for sympathy, something that I can't even give to myself. Recalling my history with Ivan, I was the oppressor and by doing so, I have badly oppressed myself as well. Ivan deserves all the sympathy he can get! No wonder he's got 20 or more friends liking his status of an "in a relationship with ...". I never ever got that statistic in my whole Facebook life. It really sank in to me how I had terribly hurt him in our relationship. Now, it's his time to rise from the abyss that I had thrown him into. And yet, I still have the urge to pull him back there. How selfish I could get. This is no longer selfish. This is evil!

And so I have followed a friend's advice by removing him from my list of Facebook friends and even in YM. This could be a start. The coming week ought to be a brighter week. I will give myself to sympathy. Somewhere down the road, I should stop wallowing in pain like I were the victim ('coz I am just not, sad to say)! I will find myself again. After all, next week happens to be my birthday week.

Oh, honestly I am lost. :(