Heaven & eggs...and anything in between
Just about anything that comes my way =)
Sunday, April 02, 2023
Moments with Papa
Monday, February 06, 2023
When are you going to let go of your dad in your head?
I saw my therapist last Friday evening, for the first time this year.
I thought I wanted to bring up with her a silly thought that often comes up to me when I am home in Sta Fe, Philippines.
You see, I am turning 40 this year, and have achieved things more than an average woman may have achieved.
And yet, there is a part of me that longs for some verbal recognition/appreciation from my father.
Silly as it may be, when I am home in Sta Fe, and I find myself doing simple things that Papa would have witnessed - like taking my kid for a walk, or noble things like mediating family tensions, - a silly thought comes up to my mind.
"Papa must be really proud of me."
It is a small thing. But it comes up to my mind every now and then, especially when Papa is around.
So I thought I'd process this with a therapist. What is really going on with me, why do I still seek recognition at this age from my own father, no matter how much I have achieved?
The therapist figured that my father is not the type who expresses his appreciation openly. I grew up without that verbal appreciation, even if I knew deep down that he appreciates my life choices (like doing well in school and getting a well-paying job). Processing this now, I have realized that Papa has also been going through his own issues about not being openly appreciated by the people close to him. So granted, his appreciation toolkit had been limited. Sadly, I only recall disapprovals and zero appreciation about my mom's actions while growing up. I guess, I have also implicitly taken up her place, hoping that if I do things right for myself, my father would also see my mom (through me) differently...in a good way.
[I am saying all these with full acceptance of what life was, from my point of view, as I was growing up. I am not angry towards Papa There are things I cannot change. Parents are humans, too. They give all their all to their children, but they have their own shortcomings, too. I know this because I am a parent myself. Many times, our parenting approaches are functions of our upbringings and narratives or realizations about life.]
So this prompted my therapist to ask me, "when are you going to let go of your dad?" She meant, let go of my dad in my head.
This means I have to find my self-worth from within me. I serve my family in ways I can. I am raising my own kids without placing financial burden on my father. I am charting my own path based on what I believe is the right path. I seek guidance from professionals and friends - young and old - to be better than who I am today. I think I have earned my self-worth. I think I am good enough.
I am good enough. I will do things right because I am happy to do so. Doing so makes me feel good, not because I seek appreciation and recognition from others, including from my father.
And going through this personal issue and being able to unpack this actually give me the opportunity to do things differently, as a daughter, as a mother. Lord, grant me the grace to find beauty and value in the most mundane and least extraordinary of things and experiences. May I be able to appreciate the beauty in the humans around me.
Unpacking this personal issue led me to reflect on how I am to my children.
Do I fully express my appreciation to them? Verbally and in spirit? What I learned from my relationship with my dad is that appreciation has to be expressed verbally, too, not just in spirit. I had a conversation with Umi last night, and she said she does feel secure that she is fully appreciated at home, including by me. But I think, this type of conversation may have to be done every now and then, with each member of the household.
Sunday, July 07, 2019
Gaggan - A remarkable gastronomic experience
I am not a food connoisseur, nor deeply knowledgeable about Indian cuisine. I wish I wa, I would have enjoyed Gaggan's progressive Indian more. Nonetheless, it was a one of a kind experience. It felt like being part of an experiential show, being asked to lick a plate of curry or eating some brain-looking food blindfolded.
I must say, taking a 25-course tasting menu at one of the world's best restaurants was a deeply empowering experiencing to me. Here I was, with my hard-earned money, enjoying fine food with strangers who queued up for weeks and months to get a seat at this most coveted table. It felt liberating to a woman whose past 6 years have mostly been consumed with mothering and raising a family. Wow, I am one lucky woman! Let me remain humble despite all these blessings.
Next time, I hope to enjoy this experience with my loved ones. I had thought about my father while dining. But maybe not Gaggan, he is likely not adventurous enough to try different renditions of Indian food. Of course, I would save another experience with Rene, and hope to be able to tag my cousin chef Chris as well.
***First posted on Facebook on 28 June, the day I dined at Gaggan.***
In Bangkok, on the way back home from Naypyitaw.
Fortunate to get a seat at Gaggan, the world’s 4th best restaurant and Asia's best, before it closes sometime next year. Yeah, still have a reason to celebrate on my birthday month. 😆
I didn’t realize that I had signed up for a 25-course tasting menu until I asked my seatmate at the chef’s table. 😅 Seatmate hails from Sweden and had been on the waitlist for half a year. I signed up in mid-May and got a confirmation 2 weeks later. 😆
I must say, it was as much a performance as it was a gastronomic delight. Imagine the team’s creativity and playfulness coming to life in every dish that was served, which was also accompanied with lively music and an early evening drizzle in the sun room. I was blown away by the whole set-up. 😍
Sharing the photos and some videos - watch me eat some brain blindfolded, and being served the loveliest birthday cake ever (thanks to the edible candle!). What a memorable experience, during the month I turned 36. 😊
My seatmate became my dining buddy |
The long, emoji-filled menu! |
First course |
Second course - the famous yoghurt pops! |
Oh yeah, third course! |
Fourth course |
Fifth course |
Sixth course |
Seventh course |
Eighth course |
Ninth course |
10th course - a fave. They made it look like truffles, but it really was some well-made bread with some filling. |
11th course |
12th course |
13th course |
14th course |
Preparing the 15th course, a tribute to sushi |
15th course |
16th course, a tribute to chawanmushi |
17th course |
18th course |
19th course |
20th course |
21st course |
23rd course, Gaggan's mango lassi |
24th course |
25th course |
Revealing what the emojis meant. I still wish we got more description of each course. |
Happy birthday, Papa Oscar!
Happy birthday to my favorite Papa Oscar!!!
Papa Oscar with Gabo |
I am so proud to be your daughter, so blessed to have grown up under your constant presence and
Pa, I wish you good health and joy in your heart so you can continue to spread the love to us and your grandchildren. And that you get to enjoy the privileges and more that you yourself strived to give your children. I love you, Pa. 😘
Happy birthday, Mama Cora!
Date with Mama, sometime in 2016 |
Happiest of birthdays, Mama Cora!
I have been blessed to be raised by parents who have not only given their all to me and my siblings, but have also encouraged and supported us to explore life, take risks, and make mistakes.
To Mama, thank you for being a living example of a woman with a can-do attitude, a woman with a strong will and determination to pursue what piques her interests against all odds. Because of your example, it was never a question for me whether I can do things. Know that during tough and stressful times in my adult life, I would constantly remind myself that I am my mother’s daughter after all, so I should be able to get through...
I am also amazed at your ability to find joy in difficult situations as well as your ability to seek help when necessary - to God and others. You are to me, someone who has been able to live life, crying and laughing with little inhibition. I used to think that you must be proud of me to be able to live the life that you never lived - being able to enjoy a job and all its perks while raising a family. But now, I think you have actually lived, however difficult the circumstances, even if the odds may be against you, for that requires a lot of character. Praise God for blessing my mother, for blessing you with resilience and that undying faith in you, no matter how flawed.
Thank you for showing me and my siblings that it is okay to make mistakes. What is important is we stand up, and learn from our failings and shortcomings. It was not articulated, but that way actually, life is more meaningful. Thank you for instilling in us the desire to give back to people’s generosity, and for showing us the importance of coexisting with a bigger society beyond the immediate family (that is, with our relatives and friends). Thank you for being a prayerful mother whom I desire to emulate.
Ma, on your birthday, I wish you good health and a heart exuding with gratitude. God has never left you. I know He will never leave you. I love you, Ma. Thank you for everything. 💛
Friday, May 24, 2019
Food for thought - on the need to help impoverished kids go to school
I find these lines by Michelle really moving. It resonates with me because I myself am a living example of how education can change lives, and open a door of opportunity after another..
"The difference between success and failure when you…are a minority is really slim. If you get the wrong message, it sits with you the wrong way. And if you do not have an advocate, no opportunity, then you are sunk."
"Just imagine – there was something that was in you from the time you were 4 or 3. You talk to your parents, they could see that in you. So imagine that part of you that would never get educated, how you would feel, how frustrated, how angry you would feel? And to know that there are millions of girls (and boys) around the world (who do not get educated), 'coz talent, potential knows no country, knows no gender. The mirror image of both of you is sitting somewhere in Uganda (or just about anywhere), not being educated because of some cultural norm, or some closedmindedness, or some ignorance, (or simply no opportunity), and how that girl (or kid) feels – how you would feel in that situation?"
Tuesday, May 08, 2018
Summer feels, and my relationship with water
Seems like I am not the only who has a relationship with the water! |
This was the closest I could get to Bagni di Tiberio - a view from Anacapri (I had a reservation for a sun bed but missed it!) |
Wouldn't you want to take a dip, too? |
Us four, back in August 2015 |
Pax didn't complain at all! |
And Umi was such a trooper! |
The after-dinner photo with our now-dried clothes =) |
We visited Krabi before I popped. |
The kids snorkelled. But their first was actually a year ago in Phuket. I am a proud mommy! |
Us five (Paco in my tummy) in Krabi, January 2018 |